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By:
RACHEAL IRENE NALUBEGA | |||||||||
| Posted:
Sep,19-2016 17:59:21
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She says after her husband Herbert proposed marriage, he told her to proceed and inform her family about his intention and set a date on which his family could visit.
But it took her two months and a lot of pressure from her fiance to finally sit her parents down and tell them of her intention. "It was an awkward meeting. I remember sweating palms and getting a dry throat. I was saved by my mother who asked a leading question on which I built to present my case," Mugisha says.
Her case is a very familiar one with most women nowadays. Perhaps it is because the steps for breaking such news to parents today have changed from how it was done in the traditional society. And although different cultures had a way in which a girl informed her parents, modernity, cultural degradation and education have eroded this. Ankole In traditional Ankole culture, it was unheard of for a girl to find herself a suitor. A boy's family would identify a girl and go ahead to take enkwata rugo loosely translated as booking to her family. The girl in most cases would be young but the boy's family would part with some gifts, including money as they wait for her to become of age. Benson Byabakama, a businessman and an Ankole culture activist, says booking (okukwata orugo) meant a cash deposit by the boy's parents and tonto (local brew) sealed the deal. Once the girl got her first period at around 15 years, she was considered an adult and marriage negotiations would commence. But once a boy found that the girl of his interest had been booked or the booking was annulled due to certain issues, then it was left to his family and friends to spot another for him. Once he liked her, then a kigamba bugyenyi loosely translated as go--between, who was a friend to both families, would take the marriage proposal to the girl's family and negotiations would commence. "However in this era, as long as partners agree to get married, they tell their parents directly and negotiations between families commence most times led by the go--between and the couple themselves," Byabakama says. Buganda Elly Bosco Lubega, an introduction ceremony spokesperson, and Luganda language teacher, says when a girl reached adolescence among the Baganda a process called okunonya (searching) was initiated. This was either by the boy's family, who wanted the girl as their daughter--in--law and on rare instances secretly by the girl's father if at all there were no advances on her yet. "The girl would have to be at least 10 years younger than the potential husband. The boy's family would be looking out for a disciplined family, with no history of chronic diseases and aspects of hard work about their potential in laws.Today most men are interested in beauty and girls in finances," Lubega says. The boy made a first casual visit to the girl's home without informing her of his intention.This was always the first encounter between both partners. It is from this visit that the boy would either tell his parents to proceed with marriage preparations or not. Tooro A Mutooro girl was required to introduce her potential man to her paternal aunt in a ceremony called Kubunga, Afusa Shaban Adyeeri, a Mutooro from Fort Portal says. The aunt would then proceed and let the parents know of their daughter's choice after carrying out research on the boy's family background. In instances where the girl was old enough but had not found a husband, it was the aunt's obligation to find her a suitable partner. Adyeeri adds: "But the girl was never allowed to refuse a suitor thus the saying Omusaija tayangwa loosely translated as a man cannot be rejected." She explains that things are totally different in this generation just like in other tribes. Once a present day mutooro girl finds a partner, they inform their parents personally. North Alfred Ochwo, a media practitioner, says a girl would first inform her paternal aunt of her intentions.The aunt would then summon the boy in question and talk to him and get more information about his family. And if a girl was already cohabiting, then the boy's family would send an amount of money called the Akwanli through the aunt to the girls' parents, informing them of how something had been stolen from them. Lukas Obonyo, a 40--year--old Langi, says now the whole marriage process in the north has changed, especially among the Acholi and many couples are breaking the news straight away to the parents instead of the aunt. It is debatable whether the traditional way of announcing marriage intentions was better because of the extent of family involvement. Either way we cannot avoid the changes modernity has made on this important rite of passage. | |||||||||
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