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By:
Cate Mukei | |||||||||
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Aug,23-2016 13:35:07
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In 2013, Wanjiru Kihusa was hoping to become a mother. One night, she went into labour but the baby died. She tried again and had a second miscarriage. She uses her pain and experience to help other mothers in similar situations. She spoke to Cate Mukei about her pain and finding peace
Your foundation, Still A Mum, was born out of experience. What happened?
I lost my first pregnancy to an infection called listeria, which is fatal. I was 20 weeks pregnant and had already started shopping for the baby. Then one day, I found myself in the emergency room at 2am. At around noon, I had delivered a stillborn baby. One day, you're pregnant and the next, you are being asked if you want a burial or to let the hospital dispose the body of the baby.
What was your reaction when you found out you were pregnant? My husband and I were super excited. We found out we were pregnant in June 2013, which was a year after we got married. At five months, we had just started to enjoy the pregnancy. Morning sickness had reduced and at least, I could eat. We had even picked baby names. Did you know the sex of the first baby? We found out after delivery that it was a girl. And we called her Leila. Tell me about the night of emergency. What happened? We had just arrived home from a fellowship with Christian Union members at Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology (JKUAT), where we are both alumni. We stayed up late talking about what plans we had for the baby. We were terrified and excited at the same time in anticipation of being parents. We slept at around 11pm. And then, at 2am, I woke up in a lot of pain. I didn't know that was in labour. It felt like cramps on steroids! I knew that was not good. So, I dressed and my husband drove me to hospital. On our way there, we called our gynaecologist, who in turn called ahead and gave the nurses instructions on what meds to put me on. The baby had a weak heartbeat, which meant I had to be admitted. At around 11:30am, the gynaecologist came and shortly, my water broke. She told me they can't salvage a pregnancy once the water breaks. I pushed and delivered on my ward bed, since we couldn't make it to the delivery room. Everything felt like a movie. Like it was happening to someone else. When you pushed...did you know if the baby was still alive? No I didn't. We hoped she was. But even if she had been alive, at 20 weeks, she was too young for the nursery. It hit me the next day in the shower when I realised I was no longer pregnant. I had not cried until then. I had been comforting my hubby and my sister. What did doctors say caused the stillbirth? They couldn't figure it out at first.They put me through a lot of tests. All the doctors could tell me is that I had an infection. But they didn't know which one...and the meds they were putting me on were not fighting this bug. Unfortunately, by the time the tests were out, I had delivered.For a month, I was generally sickly. What did the doctor recommend after that? We were asked to rest for three months before trying again.We did and in March 2014, we were pregnant! The first baby loss was in November 2013. We lost the second one in seven months. How did you cope with this loss? I had just resigned, so I was home with no job and no baby. I cried a lot. I cry more nowadays. I have always been a tough girl, but these days, I break down easily. I threw myself into blogging. I did research on miscarriage and looked for support groups. Why did you resign? I was working as a customer service manager for a leading global IP telecommunication service provider. I was 26 at the time. I was running www.wanjirukihusa.com as a side thing when I was employed. Now that I was home, I focused my energy on my blog. How did you cope with the loss? I don't even know if I can explain it. I didn't quite break down. I didn't know what to do, or say. I was angry with God and didn't go to church for three months. I was just there. I was broken and couldn't fix it. My babies had died and it really hurt. How did family and friends cope with this? They were super supportive. My in--laws have been amazing. It's probably why I'm able to concentrate on my Still A Mum foundation.My husband grieved with me through it all. My support system has been great. Even with a few disappointments, on average it's been good. It's been two years. Are you planning on getting pregnant again? We've been trying in vain. I found out last year in October both my tubes are blocked. An operation is too dangerous because the blockage is very near the uterus. I've decided to stop stressing. I have been trying to be a mum for three years now. I'm taking a breather. Tell us more about Still A Mum foundation. Still A Mum is a non--profit that supports women and families dealing with child loss (miscarriages, stillbirths, infant loss and even death of older children). We believe you are still a mum regardless of the duration you get your kid--20 weeks, 30 years whatever. You are still a mum. So we demystify adoption. We celebrate stepmums and IVF (in vitro fertilisation) mums. We are turning one year this October. We've reached over 200 women so far. What's your message to other people who have gone through similar experience? Healing is a journey that has no formula. Sometimes you feel like you're going backwards. I say it's okay. Grief is complex. So heal at your pace. As long as you are not stuck, you are okay. Also, seeing a counsellor is not weakness. Depression is real.Take care of your mental health. | |||||||||
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